i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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