you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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