his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
