You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
someone owes me an orgasm
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
