I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
