I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
