Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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