the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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