But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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