Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We talked him into tasing himself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
