the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
