I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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