Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
