I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
