Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina is officially offended.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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