What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
