I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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