arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
