There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
