so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
