btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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