the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
