the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
