Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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