life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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