Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My feet surprised me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
