why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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