I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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