i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
