her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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