You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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