Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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