Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
