omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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