he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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