Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
