I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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