It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
