just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
