the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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