The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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