I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
