do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
