Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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