I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
