my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
