all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
