Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
