Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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