You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish my penis had an off switch
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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