I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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