i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
