Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
