So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
