so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize