I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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