And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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