you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Operation Purity has been aborted
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
