Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
