I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
