Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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