Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
