im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
