The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
