I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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