Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
