i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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