problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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