So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Found your dick twin last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
