I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
